


Getting away with it

by ezilo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, Sleep, change, naps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 13:25:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13952511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezilo/pseuds/ezilo
Summary: Naps are about waking up





	Getting away with it

Naps are a big part of who they are. And that’s something the audience, the ‘they’ might never know.

They’ll never have their whole lives available on a screen, that’s something they established early on, even if a bit too late, maybe. There was a lot out there already and they were too blind to see that the Internet never forgets, never forgives.  
But now, they’re more protective. Others in the business may trust and show but other people have had a tendency to disappoint them, in the end. And yeah, maybe they’re scared, but better safe than sorry right? That’s what they tell each other, after the naps, waking up satisfied and warm, when they feel like lying, feel like cowards. Phil feels guilty whenever he can’t fight sleep anymore and ends up leaving Dan alone; he knows he’s his worst enemy, his biggest critic, his meanest judge. 

So yeah, they hide things.

But they put some things out there too. Few things, little things that matter most. It’s not much, an ‘y’ at the end of a name, bringing tea to soothe, the words that make the other slow down, a quiet domesticity that really isn’t that cute but it’s all the audience gets so they love it, squeal over it, screenshot and reblog. Looking over at Dan, sleeping gently, Phil thinks maybe they’re right.

They do get away with some things though. Not with everything, not with the big thing, they gave up on hiding that a long time ago, somewhere between accepting defeat and relief. There are inside jokes, inside words, moments in time that they can’t know, won’t know. That’s the beauty of it, Phil thinks. That he gets to choose. Gets to choose what to say, what to show, without feeling guilty about it. Dan’s different, of course. Dan feels dishonest, because Dan has a heart of gold, the mind of an idealist, striving for the best of him, the best of the world. (“But no one is perfect, Dan, it’s okay.” Phil will say one day. Dan’ll smile, not instead of, but as an answer, after a nap, after a liveshow, after a milestone, good or bad). They get away with things, strategic jump cuts that they don’t suspect because it’s not that strange. There’s no shirt unbuttoned, no hands clasping shoulders. 

And then there are naps.

When they don’t have the strength to say the things they want to say, they slip under the covers and sleep and somehow they always wake up together and they talk and there’s something so private and theirs in that ritual. It’s as them as the big things, the confetti trapped in fringes, the sparkle of suits, the first times meeting fans; and as much theirs as the small things, the knowing looks, the silences, the splashing of water on the tiles when you keep forgetting to close the shower curtain Phil I swear to God. Dan swears to God a lot. He asks what hell is a lot. The swearing usually gets interrupted by Phil’s name. Phil thinks it’s endearing and annoying, honestly. The two entangle and melt into each other, and really, that’s more than he could have hoped for. So much more.  
There’s still the smell of sharpies on Dan’s cheek just as Phil presses his nose against him. “Not that this is bad…” and Dan’s quick look to him, at the end. It’s a reference, he knows. They don’t, this time. Phil knows, yes, Phil has woken up more than once in the middle of the afternoon to Dan whispering he wants to change, to do more, to be more, to have an actual impact. Phil remembers the insecurity crawling on his skin, remembers smiling and supporting Dan and falling back to sleep. When he woke up again, Dan was concerned and not asking. Phil told. So they sat up, the covers slipped a bit, they were waking up together, and Dan was saying how this isn’t a judgement on Phil, it’s a judgement on him, and he would never forget or deny his past. Dan tells Phil how much of them really is online, how much isn’t, how much isn’t completely there and that he doesn’t regret it anymore, over and over again. 

Waking up after naps is always the best part for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't resist a challenge about naps okay I'm sorry it's so weird. Hope you liked it anyway!


End file.
